Effects of Unrealized Emotions (Maternity Leave Ministry 4)

The last few days have been full of excitement.  They have been full of uncertainty. One day was 100% unnerving. Family and friends have been overjoyed. Youth are both excited and disappointed. I noticed doctors exuding confidence, first time nurses that were a little nervous, administrators that were angry, couples that were frightened, men that were nonchalant, women that were anxious, and babies that are surprised. Needless to say, during this Maternity Leave, I’ve seen many different emotions in many different people. Now, I do have my personal opinion on emotions that could probably be summed up in a quote by one of my favorite Poets, Rudyard Kipling in his poem IF,

…If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;…

however, this blog isn’t as much about my personal opinion (obviously I have some bias) as much as it is about simply stating my observations and drawing a bible based conclusion. Here’s what happened.

Observation:

With family excited about our newborn, I watched as overly stimulated and excited family members (myself included) sprinted to be a part of the babies life. The excitement caused each person to offer their best advice for care, their services in helping, and the purchase of things that were mostly unnecessary. It was humorous to watch, and then at other times slightly disturbing.  While the excitement was warranted and the assistance is often welcomed, there were many moments where the excitement created actions that were not reasonable. The choices that were made in the extreme excitement were often similarly extreme. The extremity of each choices may have been too much. As a watch and timepiece collector, I found myself looking online for baby watches while in the hospital! ROFTL… because I was excited. It took family to remind me that her eyes weren’t even open yet, not to mention she doesn’t care about the time. I felt excitement to disappointment, then disappointment to laughter. Laughter to embarrassed and then embarrassed to proud (proud that I had a daughter to carry on my watch wearing legacy…lol). All of those emotions in the matter of 06 seconds. 🙂

Then there was disappointment that arrived. Not about the baby, but there was the, “I thought I was going to get to holder her next” or “why is she sleeping so much? I thought she’d want to play with me” or “I bought this for you to use, because I used it with my children and I thought you’d use it too” type of disappointments. Again these were legitimate reasons for each person to be disappointed, however I suggest they were all built on misplaced expectations. People expected one thing, but received another. Consequently they felt sad, anger, disappointed, or not as important to the moment.

I saw tears. Some cried because of physical pain, some because of joy, some because of fear, and someone was actually questioned about why they were crying and the answer was, “I don’t know, I just feel something…” LOL. All of these emotions were shown through tears. Again, we see that emotions while unavoidable can’t necessarily be controlled by everyone at all times. So what you see is not always equal to what you yourself would feel if showing the same expression.

Conclusion:

Maybe we all should consider being careful about how many MAJOR decision we make when we are emotional. Whether excited, sad, angry, or mad. It stands to reason that if emotions take us to extreme places we may make an extreme decision at the wrong time. I often teach,

“Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary situations.”

If emotions can be a result of our inflated expectations being handed to someone else who may not even realize the expectations that have been placed on them, we have built our emotional success on a fragile foundation. If what we see during an emotional moment may have various meanings when it looks to same on various people, we should not assume our answer is always the best answer for every situation.

My suggestion based on my Maternity Leave, is to make decisions based on truth and faith, not feelings or appearance. In other words experience the human sensation of your emotion but pause before you act. Proverbs 16:32 “Better a patient person than a warrior…” or at least know that even when having extreme feelings or emotions we must 1 Corinthians 9:27 “But I discipline our body and keep it under control”

Feel, but don’t flip because of what you feel. Have emotions but assume that yours is the right one and others are all wrong. Today I ask you to reevaluate your decision making process, and ask yourself if what you are getting ready to do is right, or is it emotional?

DSR2

Be Prepared

A life worth living will often be full of risk that lead to rewards, obstacles to overcome before maximizing opportunities, and struggles that you must find solutions for before achieving the greatest success. This is the circle of life. Since this is in fact the case, I propose that we be prepared for it. An author once wrote, “… in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.” (2 Cor 2:11) I’m not sure what type of Satan you have in life, but I am confident that you should not be unaware of his schemes. It is always that great sports teams have studied their opponents game film before competing. Well, shouldn’t we do the same? Shouldn’t we take note of the methods, characteristics, greatest moves, trick plays, personnel, and main objectives of our opponents? Knowing is half of the battle (G.I. Joe Shout out!) That opponent could be a person, competing business, weather condition, economic shift, building code, policy, or even our own pessimistic persona popping its head up from time to time. Once you recognize the challenge, you must not be afraid, just call it what it is…then conqueror it.

It is often the case that we are caught off guard by the challenges of life, or the adversarial winds of a project, or weak pillars in relationship building. When you prepare for what is ahead it does not mean the challenge won’t come. It simply implies that when it arrives you are cable of handling it.

Life is coming. Hardships are right around the corner. Plan “A” may have a small leak in it and Plan “B” may not work. Are you prepared for challenges ahead of you, or have you peered into your future with new lens of naivety that only see perfection and ignore the pain that produces positive progress. In the words of one famous preacher…”Get Ready, Get Ready, Get Ready!” Your future is wide open and awaiting your arrival.

Believe

“I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” These are the words of the little engine who could. Could what you ask? He could do anything. Why you ask? because he believed.

We have all experienced something in life that had absolutely NO explanation. I submit to you that if for no other reason that experience alone should create in us a will to believe. Belief is that gas that powers the vehicle of positive aspiration beyond road blocks of doubt,  traffic jams of haters, and broken bridges of past mistakes. Belief powers you act according to an ability beyond your own.

We believe that God has a great role in doing things for us that we cannot do on our own. Well, belief is the key that grants you access into God’s power and enables you to get the job done.

I’m not sure what fear you will have to face, what obstacles you will have to overcome, or what situation will attempt to limit you to your 5 senses. What I do know, is that you must dispel your doubt, speak to your self words of encouragement and BELIEVE!

If you start believing you see that life is often not always what it seems to be. 🙂

DSR

Success In The Shade

So during the better weather months I often spend time near water. The thing is I really don’t like to spend a lot of time directly in the sun. When my family goes to amusement parks, I am always the one who suggest that we stand, or sit, or even eat in the shade. While many others are okay in the direct sunlight, I prefer the cool breeze to blow and the cover of a canopy or a tree to provide for me shade. It wasn’t until reading about this guy name Nathaniel who was sitting under a fig tree when Jesus noticed him, did I understand the implications of shade.

See shade while often associated with comfort from the heat implies a few things. 1) It implies that while there is light that can be seen, you are actually in the dark. 2) It implies that there is something near you that is bigger than you. While both of these ideas are uncomfortable and often problematic I believe it provides an opportunity for leadership developing. Whenever we find ourselves maneuvering in the dark, travel the road unfamiliar, or making decisions while dealing with the unknown we can often feel intimidated. A matter of fact, the lack of information has the potential to pause our progress and cause us to loose vision. I think when we are in the shade situations of life that place us in a temporary dark situation it is rehearsal for handling life on limited resources. The shade is often caused by some large object. By definition you can’t be in the shade if there is no object bigger than you. However, the purpose of this object must be appropriately defined. Here are the few lessons I think we can get from people like Nathaniel who sit under fig trees, or others who have found themselves in the shade worried about what they don’t know and dealing with obese objects.

1) In the shade (unkown) you are protected.
Often times we strive to find out as much information as possible. As leaders I would often suggest that inquiry and information gathering are key skills. However, there are times when you must simply go with what you know opposed to waiting to find out more. It is in the shade where you have to trust, and believe beyond your resources and finite knowledge. It is where you implement faith. Who knows? It may be that you are being protected from (shaded) from something that could harm you that you are unaware of. See that is what UV rays do. They affect your skin, in some cases causing cancer. You can’t see the UV rays, but they are hurting you. You see the effects via tan lines, but you never real feel the pain. Often in life, shaded (unkown aspects) situations are real guards for impending disaster waiting to happen.

2) In the shade you still
One activities that has been overlooked in productivity is the action of still. It is the idea that sometimes you must temporarily stop, evaluate, and then move. Many people understand how to be active, but miss out on the fact that activity does not always equal productivity. Look at the picture of the bird on the branch. What we don’t know is if he’s getting ready to take off, or if he just landed for a break. What we do know is that if he never stops and stands still he won’t be able make it to the next destination. Sometimes the shade (unkown) will cause you to at least pause to identify cause for why you are, or what you are doing.

3) In the shade you adjust perspective
So two things are seen in the shade. You see a large object. It can either be seen as helpful, or harmful. It is either an obstacle to overcome and getting around, or it is purposeful and useful to the cause. While sitting in shaded situations you are force to reevaluate how you see large objects. You must then identify your objective and decide how it can be used as a benefit to your accomplishing your goal. What you also see in the shade is light. You are in the light, but you see it. You may not be able to reach the light but you know it is close. This is great motivation. Success comes in many forms. There are moments prior to accomplishment, where you have a vivid picture of what is to come that create a hope, aspiration, and drive to complete the task given. Likewise, there are moments in the shade while you may not know everything and you are standing near obstacles you get to peer ahead and see that while its not over yet, there is light at the end of this journey.

I think there are moments like Nathaniels where we find ourselves sitting under trees in the shade and we wonder if life is going to change, and if things are going to get better. That moment in the dark beside overwhelming obstacles can be tough. But we must remember that you are still seen while under the tree. This means the shade is not all bad, and what you know does not make you impotent.

I am reminded of so many biblical passages for those who are linking this too ministry.
– John 1: Jesus sees Nathaniel under the fig tree in the shade
– Micah 4:4 Every man will sit under his own tree and not be afraid
– Psalm 91:1 : He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High will abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Just remember, that sitting in the dark isn’t all bad
DSR

Trouble Won’t Last Always

Today I was reflecting on life. I was thinking about today’s present challenges. Then I remembered yester years challenges. My conclusion was, “Trouble won’t last always”. It is often the case that we summarize our entire lives by the current events. The problem with this is that our present is not the conclusion.

When you remember that you made it through your past, into your present; you must then know that there is potential to move into your future. If in fact you can move into your future, then we can conclude that what you are experiencing now is not the end! Summarizing declaration, “Trouble Won’t Last Always!”

If that was confusing hear it this way. The other day I purchased a combo from Wendy’s. I just knew it was gonna be great. However, the fries were cold, the sandwich lacked the toppings that I asked for, and the drink had no favor. My first thought was, “I’m going to starve.” Then I remembered that last time I had a messed up order at a Wendy’s they gave me a brand new order. So, I knew from my past experience that there was hope. This new hope caused me to change my future. Instead of settling for cold fries and all, I returned the combo, and received a new hot and fresh. So today, I am neither hungry or bitter because my mind applied the idea that Trouble Won’t Last Always.

I submit to you that there will be moments that you will have to return what life has served you. Don’t just accept it. Don’t just conclude that there are no additional options. Don’t just end life with cold fries, and someone else’s customized sandwiched success. Get what is rightful yours by pressing forward.

When life seems to be less than what you bargained for, or more than you think you can handle; move forward and you will find that on the other side of trouble there are greater rewards. DSR

Flying High With RedTails

This morning I thought back on the movie Red Tails (based on real facts about the Tuskegee Airmen). I am an avid movie goer so I won’t comment on the quality of the movie itself, but I will say it had many powerful moments and that I’m glad it was made. There was one scene in particularly that promotes the idea of leadership for today’s discussion. I believe that if you have felt down as a leader, it can teach us how to fly higher and no longer stay grounded.

The squadron leader who has an alcohol abuse challenge confronts his commanding officer confessing that he had made a mistake. He even goes as far as to suggest himself unfit to lead because of the mistake that he made. His commander replies by saying that he has really only made one mistake. That mistake was allowing self pity to diminish his desire to lead. He then commanded thim to lead his squadron with confidence. Here is what I heard and saw.

“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go” Joshua 1:7

 

 

Lesson 1) Leaders aren’t exempt from making mistakes.

Lesson 2) There is no place for self pity, regret, or low self esteem on the high shelf of leadership.

Lesson 3) Even leaders need someone leading them that will provide encouragement.

Lesson 4) If you are going to complain, do it to those who lead you, not those you lead.

Lesson 5) The mistakes you make are not usually as bad as they seem. (The end of the movie proves this true, but I don’t want to spoil it for you.)

Lesson 6) The squadron leaders name was “Easy” the Commanding officer was named “Stance”. It might sound corny but I heard that when you think leadership is Easy you are prone to complain, but when you are bold and take a Stance, you emerge as a respected commanding officer.

T.G.I.F.

Thank God I’mFamily-Acting Authority. Is the 2012 Theme for our church. The idea is embedded in Romans 8:16,17. The emphasis for our church as well as the Christian community is to remember that there are privileges that we have simply because God is our Father. Often the plight of Sunday morning pew dwellers is to come to church and hear about God, but not put into practice His Word. I subscribe to the idea that because of who God is, and our mercy given adoption into his family we have Authority. Not just fighting AUTHORITY to trample over the enemy, but God’s permission to live on earth with heavenly provision. Permission to call cancer and cancel his assignment. Permission to organize a teacher-parent conference with bodily organs that are failing and assist them in higher passing performance on their S.O.L.’s (Standard Of Living). Permission to payoff poverty so that it will leave your family and allow prosperity to move in. Permission to scare fear away so that we can fully flow with courage and confidence in the spiritual gifts that God has given us. Permission to live life free of worry, hatred, anger, and low self-esteem. It is our family right.

To your left is an example of family privilege. These two young ladies (Malia and Sasha Obama) have had a life changing experience. Their life didn’t change because of anything they did in particular. Instead it all changed when their father arrived in office. I believe they deliver to us an image of what it is like to live in our Father’s authority. They were in regular schools, but now their learning environment has changed. They use to travel by car or SUV driven by their mom, now they are escroted in luxury vehicles driven by chauffers. They were previously guarded by their parents and relatives, now they each have assigned security. They are simply living in new authority because of their relationship. Shouldn’t they? Wouldn’t you? or maybe I should I ask will you.

Will you start living this year as if your FATHER has arrived in the Whitehouse? Will you altar your learning environment from public peer imposed education to private bible delivered and Holy Spirit instructed
teaching? Will you switch your mode of transportation from “I will go eventually” to “Walking NOW in the steps God has ordered for me.”? creating a much more luxurious trip even if through the valley of the Shadow of Death? Will you go into seemingly dangerous places knowing that you have secret service Angels protecting you on every side? Will you properly use the Authority given to you by the mercy of God our Father to maximize the life that he has given you.

It does not matter how far from God you feel, or how long its been since you have actually acted as if you belong to him. He is our father. Like the prodigal son in Luke, you can always come back home. There you will find “Abba”, our Father, standing with open arms. He has more blessing, more favor, more promise, and most importantly more work for you to do. He cares about you, and those around you. For this reason, just as he is standing waiting to welcome you home, you should also be willing to welcome other biological family members back home. This year relationships should be mended. This is the message of Christ. It is a message that echoes even after the grave. “Peter! Yes Peter its me, Jesus. The same guy who taught you to forgive your brothers 70 plus times. The same guy who gave his mother over to a John who left him in the Garden of Gethsemane to arresting soldiers. I am Jesus, and I want to know do you love me? If so, then please feed my sheep.” This is a paraphrased conversation Jesus has to prove that real family accepts family even with faults. I have some. I’m sure you have had a few in your life time, yet God still welcomes you. To this reconcilation that should be shared throughout the year, because we recieved it first from God I say, T.G.I.F.!

Redeem the time

See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. (Ephesians 5:15-17 KJV)

This is a verse that I have read, taught, preached, and given examples about before. But yesterday I lived it. See we arrived in norfolk dressed in sweat suites and jackets. It was early in the morning. The sky was midnight dark. The morning breeze cold and biting at our skin yet excitement filled the air. We were leaving for vacation. As we boarded the plane we noticed that people were dressed in different ways. Some shorts and tank tops, Others in business suites. Although it seemed odd, it wasn’t any of our business so we took our seats. As not to bore you to sleep with the details, know that we left at 6:45am. We travelled for a total of 13 hours and when we arrived to our destination it was 1:55pm. Huh!? What?! That’s what I said. See we traveled beyond the US west coast which means the beak of our plane not only pierced clouds and soared at ridiculous altitudes, it also paused time and reversed the hands on our clocks. We traveled through almost 5 time zones.

Here in lies our lesson for the week. If flying in a United aircraft left and westward can give us time back. Then surely staying in UNION with God and living RIGHT can do one better and help us redeem the time we think we have lost. See although 13 hours had passed we were able to live as if it had only been 7 hours and 10 min. Where it was cold when we started and should have become freezer like frigid when we stopped, it wasn’t. When we should have been loosing the light of day and journeying beyond the gates of evening into the dungeon of dark, we weren’t. Our bodies should have been devoured prey for fatigue and been overtaken by tiredness, but it didn’t happen. Instead after 13 hours of travel that should have landed us late in the evening and left a dismall and draining depression, we were impressed to find the weather warm in the upper 80’s, the sun lifted high and brightly illuminating our just beginning day, and our bodies while jet lagged were somehow rejuvenated by the anticipation of all of the unseen events of this new and uncharted location. We thought in travel we would loose time, but in fact we had gained some back. We had maximized our moments, redeemed the time, and left the pains of the peninsula and landed in form of paradise.

Could this be a foreshadowing of life with God. Where beginning our life with Him saved is like entering the cushioned and purpose confirming cabins of a joyous jet plane that has been waiting to not only relocate you to distance isles of paradise, but also redeem your time. Could Uniting with God be a way to rid yourself of ice block like burdens that create unnecessary discomfort; decrease the dark and depressing situations that often blind you from the beauty of Gods bountiful blessings for your life; and/or provide a new vitality to your reawakening dreams that had been forgotten because of the constant drain of life that had fatigued your hope. Could it be that traveling with God could provide more time than people say you have to get the degree, find that mate, have that child, operate in your spiritual gift, purchase that home, bounce back from a break up, start that business, take that vacation, write that book, gain employment after incarceration or accomplish some other task that allegedly could only be done in your youth. Our earthly trip with an airline gave us hours, I believe a spiritual journey with the Almighty can give you years.

According to Ephesians, if you wise UP and fly with God soaring above sin and elevating above evil, God can help you make the best of every opportunity. He can give you more time. So dont be worried about what you look like now. Like our trip some people dress for where they are going, others for where they are but it doesn’t matter much what you have on now, God has packed a suitcase of new clothes for you. Particularly joy for mourning. Just Check with Abraham (babies in old age), Joshua (successfully prayed for God to hold the sun still for more time to win a battle), Hezekiah (had the sun turned back degrees as a sign his sickness was removed), and Elizabeth (child in old age that would present Jesus) for other testimonies of how hiring God as your travel agent can traject you into awesomeness. Start obeying God and watch your watch move in reverse.

Big thanks to my first baptist church family for making this trip possible and to God opening my eyes while traveling.

A Life Of Common Sense

I read this today and thought I would share it. It is not my thought or writing, I Unfortunately don’t know it’s origin. However it seemed very enlightening. Enjoy.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:-Knowing when to come in out of the rain; – Why the early bird gets the worm;- Life isn’t always fair; – And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies, don’t spend more than you can earn and adults, not children, are in charge. His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this idea on to others.

Wow?!

People Need Help

So by now most of the country has either read the book or seen the movie. I don’t want to critique this movie as it provoked a variety of thoughts and emotions. However, I would like to share a few Godlights (like highlights but better) that jumped off of the screen for me. Nothing deep, just a few thoughts.

1. Everyone needs help.
As I watched the movie that depicted these African American women serving in this White homes, I was reminded that even when you are mistreated by those you serve it does not disqualify their need for help. Sometimes we neglect others and choose not to assist them based on how they  treat us. That actually doesn’t make since. Except for the fact that we often prioritize our comfort and idolize our emotional well being. It makes more since to help those who mistreat you because they obviously need HELP. So maybe we should attempt hang in there just a little longer until as the movie shows our Help spills beyond normal house duties but prevails in words that expose the weaknesses of others by showing our strengths. You are strong enough to handle their hatred. That may be why you have been placed where you are.

2. Words of positive affirmation are essential to development.
In two cases we find an uneducated Helper providing words that create character in small girls. My experience has taught me, that what happens in your childhood could affect you forever. I have seen this in many counseling sessions and ministry moments. Cicily Tyson encourages a young girl that is not invited to prom. When leaving the conversation she is somehow morphed from crying and depressed to smiling and exuberant. Another Helper tells a girl, “You is kind. You is special. You is important.” Never mind the grammar or subject to verb agreement, it is empowering. We too should remember the importance of positive vocal affirmation.

3. Complete your dream.
There was always supposed to be a writer int he family, says the HELP. Then through an unlikely source a book is written, published, and distributed. What dream did you have that has seemingly been deferred? Whatever it is, its time to wake up and complete it. You may think it’s too late, or it’s too hard, or it cost too much, but remember God uses unlikely sources to accomplish the work and purpose that he has already begun in you.

and finally,

4. Be careful how you treat people who bake you Chocolate Pie.
🙂 No really, be careful how you treat people. We have always been taught according to the Bible that we could be entertaining angels unaware. Well, all I can say is, “Don’t upset a baking angel” or you may be in for a distasteful surprise.